The song “Strawberry Wine” by Deana Carter, featured this week in my cover song video above, is a gorgeously rendered, bittersweet meditation about first love and the awakening it brings. For the young at heart, a first love embodies a wellspring of emotion, bliss, tenderness, and desire.
As first times go, I had a similar experience to the one described in the song when it says, “One restless summer, we found love growing wild, on the banks of a river, on a well-beaten path, it’s funny how those memories they last.”
In my recollection, we were also on the banks of a river but in an urban setting. The moon shone just as bright nonetheless, and I found something I did not know that I desperately needed.
What followed after that fateful night was years of craving and getting close to what I thought was love, only to be regularly severely disappointed. Some people have the luck of finding their soulmate early on in life. Other folks, like me, had to wade through the muck of the dating world for years, feasting on soggy scraps along the way, before finding the absolute best person.
(To be fair, not everyone desires a single person as a partner. I share my experiences here knowing that everyone has different perspectives and preferences.)
In any new relationship, both parties must seriously question if the other person is someone they want to spend countless hours of their lives with. This is a daunting decision but one well worth being honest about.
For me, it was always the honesty that stung—when I was told something I did not want to hear or had to say something that would crush someone’s feelings.
Honesty is necessary, but it is rarely easy.
Sure, I had fun along the way. I got to meet incredible people, but the heartache was always crushing. The depression that came with disappointments in love were debilitating. I thought about giving up on dating multiple times.
But the human heart is a needy, anxious thing.
I bore getting stood up a lot, long-distance relationships that fizzled, getting dumped via text message, getting cussed out, pining over disinterested people for too long, and all points in between.
Looking back, I never did the one thing that would have helped me cope better along the way.
I did not build a strong enough support system.
If I could do it all over again, I would have built a small but mighty legion of friends to turn to for support and comfort. Sure, I had a couple of friends to talk to about what was happening, but in the heavy matters of love, more structural support, particularly from people who can relate to the heartache, can make a big difference. It takes a small village to combat the obsessions, aches, and pains that come with dating.
Funny enough, it was not until I got a cat that things started to change. I cannot speak for dogs, but cats have an innate ability to give much-needed comfort (when they are not being aloof or napping independently). My cat gave me all the purring affection and cuddles I could possibly want. This made the sting of my dating misery so much more bearable. My cat was the flying buttress in my support system that was missing all along.
Perhaps it is no coincidence that I met the person who would be my future husband just over a year after adopting my cat Steinway.
To be clear, I am not suggesting that people get a cat to make their dating lives more bearable, but I will say that dating cannot become an all-encompassing aspect of one’s life. Ideally, dating should be only one part of a constellation of richness that you build into your existence.
If you have caring friendships, a fulfilling career, a loving family, and yes, a devoted pet, the sting of a dating disappointment will not hurt as much. All of your well-being should not exclusively depend on one highly volatile and unpredictable thing.
The pursuit of love is less difficult when one’s life is already filled with strong relationships and meaningful endeavors. Of course, not all of us are fortunate enough to have such things, but it is worthwhile to build something stronger for yourself over time.
By the time I met my future husband, I had a steady job that I liked. I was playing shows around town. My cat and I shared a cute and affordable apartment in Nashville. On the weekends, I went on wonderfully long and leisurely bike rides on the greenway, and these jaunts were heavenly. I hung out with friends and family a lot, and many lovely evenings were spent cuddling with my cat watching Netflix. My life was not perfect, but it was full of what mattered.
I derived comfort, strength, and support from more than just the prospect of dating someone. And I was better for it.
I hope you enjoy my version of “Strawberry Wine” posted above. It is the only country song I have ever covered, and it really is a beautiful song with lyrics that convey a lonesome memory of the first taste of love. What a joy it is to sing!
Thanks again for reading and listening.
And if you find yourself in the throes of a topsy-turvy dating life right now, I hope you can explore different, meaningful ways to comfort and heal your heart along the way (and maybe adopt an affectionate cat too).
Earlier this week, I was in the suburb of Donelson just outside Nashville, TN. I had some time to kill while waiting for my mom to get her hair colored pink and finally went to a store I wanted to visit for a while.
Paper and Ink Arts is a small operation that sells a variety of writing and drawing materials. I spent over an hour looking at everything they sold, and it was fun finding tools I had no knowledge about whatsoever. I left this fine establishment feeling inspired and with some new beloved items. I bought three new pencils for my sketching, a mini-puzzle of flowers, and for the first time, a fountain pen with ink cartridges (from Japan, no less). I always make room for discovery and curiosity.
